Pillow Talk

I have a lot of trouble going to sleep at night. I always have a million things zooming through my mind right as soon as I hit the pillow. I will be exhausted, so I turn out the light and close my eyes, and just like someone flipped a switch I am wide awake again, pondering the most random things. Last night for instance, I had a long, sweaty, five hour rehearsal. I was too tired to even get in the shower, I just headed straight for the bed. As soon as I was all settled though, I couldn't stop thinking about what to get my boyfriend for Christmas. How ridiculous is that?! So I hopped on my phone-big mistake-and I started texting him to get my mind off of it, but then I got on Google to look up ideas...and then cute wedding proposal stories...and then wedding dresses...and it just went down hill from there. It's not always like this, where I just succumb to my racing thoughts, but sometimes I'm actually stuck on some really deep things; like if I've had an argument with someone, I try to think of ways it could have gone differently. Some nights I just lay there and think of every embarrassing thing I have done and I sink deeper and deeper into my mattress in utter disbelief that I actually did these things that no one else probably even remembers, but I do. I lay there and wonder who else is still awake that I could talk to about this problem. I try to listen to music but that just makes me want to sing and write my own music. If I eat or drink anything that just keeps me up even longer. This pattern results in either an exhausted regretful Kayla the next morning, or I oversleep to the point of no return. Last Monday for instance, I was a rock, my mom could not wake me up and I ended up sleeping till 2 pm!!! I was so upset with myself! I have never slept that long before! I think it might have something to do with my heavy rehearsal schedule as well, but most times, I just cannot sleep. Although, when I am with Dane, I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. In fact, on our very first date, we went to see this movie with a big group of friends. It wasn't just that I was tired, the movie was just really bad and boring...so we ended up holding hands, and before I knew it I had fallen fast asleep on his shoulder. I woke up and he was so surprised that I was sleeping-he thought I was snuggling with him! Ha! At least I know that if we do end up married one day, that my insomnia may finally cease for good.